How the Gingrinch stole Mittmas

Arg, ye knew I couldn't resist a good ol' fashioned pun!

As the polls have been suggestin', for a few weeks now, Romney may actually have a contender. Like myself, Romney thought Gingrich would have burned out by now. However, after seein' that Gingrich may actually be a threat, Romney's friendly SuperPAC is buyin' a massive chunk of airtime while Romney himself is goin' to tap into some Talent.

That's right, Jim Talent from Missouri! Both Talent and John Sununu, ex-governor o' New Hampshire, are firin' their volleys at Gingrich. Sununu o' course had me laughin' the hardest with this gem: “I believe Newt Gingrich is a Gingrichite. All he cares about is Newt Gingrich.”

O' course, Newt himself is not going to be an attack dog, instead keepin' a positive campaign.

So while Romney continues his assault on Gingrich, another candidate might just be able to steal Iowa.

Ron Paul.

If ye looked at the polls that I mentioned earlier (you clicked the links, right?), ye see that Paul and Romney are actually tied-ish for second. A poor showin' by Romney in Iowa could hinder his campaign enough for someone else to squeak through.

All because of the Gingrinch. If Romney can't find a way to fight him off, then he'll have a Blue Christmas indeed.

Holding Steady

If ye would have said to me two weeks ago that Gingrich would still be ahead in the polls in December, I would've laughed so hard that I'd have lungs o' steel.

Surprisingly, things have actually held steady these last couple of weeks. Seriously. Romney is holdin' relatively steady but Gingrich is still ahead in the polls, Cain is still mired in allegations, Perry is still woefully hilarious, and the others haven't really made any considerable gains, with the exception of Huntsman. But we'll get to that.

Gingrich actually thinks he'll get the nomination.

Let that sink in for a bit.

Yeah, Gingrich, you know, that guy who always looks down on people?

Anywho, apparently Gingrich is actually posing a threat, because Romney is releasin' his secret weapon!

I'm sorry, I meant Chris Christie.

Honest mistake.

That's right, the GOP's favored "Anti-Romney" is doin' Romney's dirty work. Christie does make a valid point in his criticisms of Gingrich, however. He makes the point that sure, Gingrich's numbers are high now, just as Cain's numbers were earlier, and Perry's before that, and Bachmann's before that. Ouch.

So let's talk about the others.

Cain has fallen. Hard. He has recently been "reassessing" his political campaign, so many GOPers are speculatin' he may drop out of the race. However, the decision isn't going to be up to Cain, it's going to be up to his wife.

Oh dear. I imagine that his wife will pull the plug and make him sleep on the couch for...oh I don't know...13 years?

Perry is hilarious. His most recent gaffe is his slip o' the tongue about the voting age (he thinks it's 21) and the election day ( he thinks it's Nov. 12). O' course people are bringin' up other gaffes...with video too! 

Finally, we come around to Huntsman. The latest New Hampshire poll has him polling about 11 percent. And he is hopin' that will grow higher as people jump ship from Cain's campaign. I've personally noticed the man gettin' more attention in the news and otherwise. Some news sites are thinkin' he may be tryin' to win the Internet vote. It will be interestin' to see if he can rise up before the primaries.

~~~

Well, that's it for me today. Be sure to keep an eye on the political world, ye scallawags. It can change with a slip o' the tongue or a flick o' the wrist.

Captain out.

Gingrinch

Note: It looks like I messed up again. It was supposed to post at 9PM, it did not. To make up for this, I threw in a couple o' links o' additional information that came in.

So remember wayyyy back where I said that Gingrich was shootin' up in the polls and is now the "flavor of the week?"

About that.

If there is one thing the voters hate more than the big banks responsible for the housin' bubble crash, it's the fact that Gringrich, a presidential candidate, made a cool $1.6-$1.8 million from Freddie Mac. Not that big of a problem? Gingrich first said he only made $300,000 as a "historian." Then the numbers kept going up and then it turned out he was givin' "strategic advice." Add in the fact the man has minimal charm and a nasty "holier than thou" personality and you can get expect a crash and burn. So with that being said, who is goin' to rise up in the polls next?

Bachmann's high water mark was the Ames Straw Poll. She has settled into insignificance since.
Perry and Cain both had boosts and then crashes.
Romney is avoidin' any spotlight, hoping to win on process of elimination.

Your choices are Paul, Santorum, and Huntsman.

Although Paul is enjoyin' a small uptick in support, what is odd is that the media isn't really reportin' on it. It looks like he may finally get a chance to shine soon though.

Santorum has been pollin' at an average of 4 points in Iowa, which is supposed to be his strongest chance. I really don't expect him to actually rise up, but then again, this IS the primary race.

Huntsman has been steady, although he is pollin' really low everywhere except New Hampshire. With the other candidates fallin', however, could we get a chance to see "Huntsmania" sometime soon?

Here is my expectation. Paul will rise up a little more when Gingrich falls. Huntsman will get some of that support. With Iowa just a month and a half away, Paul will need to keep strong that entire time without the tiniest gaffe. If he cannot hold, then I can seriously expect "Huntsmania" to catch on right before the primaries.

I mean, this thing is anyone's game.

Except for Buddy Roemer.

Blood in the Water

O' course I am addressin' the Texan elephant in the room first! Ok. Calm down. Sheesh.

For those o' ye that are fans o' Perry, ye might wanna be thinkin' about findin' a secondary candidate. The CNBC debate was about as interestin' as the others (since ye can remember how excitin' the last couple dozen were) so the media jumped on the first person that stepped outta line. For those o' ye who didn't watch the debate, this is what I'm talkin' about.

Every bit o' news I've seen on this is all doom and gloom for Perry. Here are, and I'm quotin' here, the actual phrases other news agencies are usin' to describe this.

He provides what may be the most painful, cringe-inducing slip-up in debate history

 'Oops'—Worst Self-Inflicted Wound in Debate History?

 

Ok, I understand that a President should know his facts, but after lookin' at everythin', I've come to the conclusion that it's not as bad as the media is makin' it out to be. Some people seem to forget that candidates are human and human and human (etc.). Fortunately, for ye Perry lovers, he says he isn't quittin' the race and has done a fair amount o' damage control.

 With the mass o' scandals, it seems to be anyone's game. The only people that are getting through this vettin' process relatively unscathed are Romney, Paul and Huntsman. Santorum is a walkin' gaffe, just so we are clear (if ye payed attention to him, which I'm sure you have, he has said that he'd "die" to ban gay marriage and wants a war with China). So which one of these candidates will be surgin' to the top of the polls?

 Gingrich.

No, that was not a typo. Both the polls and some stories are seein' the beginnin' of a Gingrich boom. 

So there is your new flavor of the month (or week? Hell, I don't know). Anywho, that's it for me. It's Thursday and if anyone even remotely knows who I am, they know what that means...

 Yo ho ho and a...well ye get the picture. 

Herman's Helpin' Hands, a Hellaciously Hilarious Hinderence.

*Note: Apparently I have failed in scheduling this. It was supposed to come out at 9PM Thursday. My apologies, mateys.

In case you've been livin' under a rock, or perhaps spendin' too much time in the sun, Herman Cain is endurin' a hurricane o' scandal. Cain has been accused of inappropriate behavior involvin' a couple of lasses durin' his tenure as the head of the National Restaurant Association. So what does Cain do besides not addressing the problem?

He blames Perry's campaign, o' course!

Ok, so not exactly Perry himself, but one of Perry's chief advisers, a Mr. Curt Anderson. Anderson worked for Cain durin' his failed run for Senate and Cain claims he told Anderson about the unfounded allegations then. After Anderson joined up with Perry, these allegations suddenly appear out o' nowhere! Magic!

So how badly does the Cain campaign suffer for these transgressions?

How about earnin' $1 million in donations after the story broke?

Cain claims he is innocent o' all charges and it looks like a lot o' his supporters believe him.
~~~
Now for some surprisin' news

You know about Jon Huntsman? Well, only about 52% of Republicans even recognize him. What is surprisin' is that he apparently has the best chance to defeat Obama in the general election, at least accordin' to this article in this small news outlet called the NEW YORK TIMES!

~~~
I can't wait to see if Cain's chances go up in smoke or if Huntsman can crawl out of obscurity.

And here are the Huntsman girls with their rendition of the smokin' man.

Tune in next week for more shenanigans (which are cheeky and fun)!

Captain's Orders

Ahoy. Ye may have noticed that this is just a little late. It's a busy time o' year for everyone, though, so I'm sure ye can find it in yer heart to forgive me.

So I am supposed to give ye swabbies somethin' fun to do. Here it is. The Dumbest Quotes from the GOP Candidates.

Yeah, it's a fun randomly generated quote machine thingy. Here is another story about dumb quotes.

In case you are wondering, it seems that Michele Bachmann has a monopoly on dumb quotes.

Heh, this is easy. I am just sendin' you to other locations to giggle and whatnot.

Anywho, I think it's high time I go on a tangent about the polls. The newest poll out there shows a few surprisin' trends. The samplin' error for subgroups (ranging from 5% -7%) is one of them. It seems that Cain has the lead (24%), Romney is holdin' steady (20%), Gingrich has been risin' (12%), Perry has been capsizin' (10%), and finally, Huntsman has been flatlinin' (0%). The most important issue to Republican primary voters is the economy, by a very large margin (76%).

It should be noted that 39% of respondents intend to vote in the Democratic Primary (compared to 36% for the Republicans). Even with this, it seems that 29% of voters would be "scared" if Obama won the election, not even Rick Perry (21%) scares that many people!

Ok, I'm sorry for givin' ye a lackluster performance for this week's postin', but things are insane right now. Damn near Halloween and people are bein' all social and whatnot tonight. I'm sure many o' them are headin' to Blackout Island. Keep on sailin', crew, and don't get lost in the sea of festivities.

The Green Sea Part II: Electric Boogaloo

So remembarr that one time I said I'd post about the other candidates' money pools? No? Good.

Everything you need to know is right here.

So what did ye think? What? Dammit, fine. I'll just post 'em right here then since ye all are too lazy to click the damn link...grrr...

Perry: $17.2 mil
Romney: $14.2 mil
Paul: $8.3 mil
Huntsman: $4.5 mil (wow)
Bachmann: $4.1 mil
Cain: $2.8 mil
Gingrich: $0.8 mil
Santorum: $0.7 mil

O' course, this is just what these scallawags raised, if you want to know how much they spent, then click the damn link. I am fully expectin' Perry to sink and Cain to rise.

Right, now that we got that outta the way, what is next?

Oh right, that debate thingy.
The big news, o' course, is that Romney gave Perry the "death touch." What is the "death touch?" Watch this video and roll it ahead to 8:50 for the fun and then at about 9:24ish you see this alpha male move.

 I thought for sure that Perry was gonna take a swing at Romney.

So let's give out some grades, jus' because I can.
 Michele Bachmann: B+
             -Yes, she did wear something that looked commanding and took advantage of Anderson Cooper's weak moderatin' skills. She was heard and she has come a long way since the first debates.
Herman Cain: C
             -9-9-9. O' course you were going to hear it. It seemed that Cain was out of steam for the night due to that report that stated lower and middle income Americans would pay more under his 999 plan.
 Newt Gingrich: B
         -Every time I compliment Newt on being rational and intelligent, he says somethin' that makes me think "wait a second..." That being said, he was more intelligent this particular debate on almost all subjects.
Jon Huntsman: C
         -Huntsman getting a C? Really? Well, he opposed Nevada moving it's caucus up and then took action (a stand) when it was crunch time. Maybe you noticed that the GOP field seemed a little crazier without him? He certainly didn't damage himself any.
Ron Paul: C+
        -Good: Paul was vigorous in his message and actually proposed something to solve the deficit crisis. Bad: People started laughin' when they heard all the departments he was wanting to cut. Awkward...
Rick Perry: B-
             -Perry has gotten a lot better at debatin'. Unfortunately, he has gotten no better at debatin' Romney. Every barb Perry threw was, excuse the semi-pun, "Parried," and then Perry had to endure the devastatin' counterattack. Perry's response to Anderson not wanting Perry to stay on the subject Cain was on: "I understand that. You get to ask the questions, I get to answer like I want to" didn't do him any favors...
Mitt Romney: A-
        -I am not like others who judge on how a candidate debates compared to how well they debated before. Romney is a good debater, that is obvious. He did hit some flak, but was able to counter almost every attack with one of his own, whether it was attackin' Cain's "Apples and Oranges" comparison of state and federal taxes or Santorum's Romneycare=Obamacare.
Rick Santorum: D+
           -I was hopin' that Santorum would have evolved from his angry nature. He failed miserably. Romney picked him apart and his anger really puts people off. Geez, you are in Vegas, Rick!

~
Well, I know ye all are laughin' at me. Lurkin'. Readin' but not makin' any comments. Laughin' at my lack of g's and all that. But post a comment, it helps the Captain to see a live crew out there! See ya next week, I gotta keep an eye on these weird flying mammals...perhaps you've seen them?

 
 

Anotharrr Debate!

So I thought it would be a good idea if I played a fun game while watchin' the debate. Obviously, I wasn't expectin' much. I thought, "oh, it would be a good idea if I just drank when I hear the word '9' or 'jobs'." Needless to say, I was unable to recover in time...

Anywho, enough about me problems. I need to give out some awarrrds!

Candidate Who Reminded Me Most of an Elementary School Teacher: Mitt Romney
          -When Perry started talkin' over Romney, Romney put up one finger and repeated "I'm still speaking, I'm still speaking..." (1:06:10)

Candidate Who Said What Everyone Was Thinking: Jon Huntsman
         -In response to if he supported Cain's 999 plan: "I thought it was the price of a pizza when I first heard of it." (22:01)

Candidate Who Had to Compare A Tax Plan to Satan in Order to Stay Relevant: Michelle Bachman.
         -"And one thing I would say is, when you take the 999 plan and you turn it upside down, I think the devil is in the details."(43:51)

Candidate Who Best Used Psychology to Their Advantage: Rick Santorum
         -By asking people, by show of hands, if they like a sales tax. You may have noticed people lookin' around awkwardly. How many times have you seen someone raise their hand if asked a question? Now make that in public, on television, with probably no knowledge of what was just being talked about. (50:24)

Finally...The Best Tactical Move: Mitt Romney
        -At first, I was confused why Romney would attack Bachmann, then I was confused why Romney threw such a softball to Bachmann. Then I went: "ohhhhhhh." It seems that Cain is currently the biggest threat to Romney. Cain and Bachmann basically draw the same kind of supporters, if Bachmann gained some points, chances are she would have drawn those points away from Cain. So, while everyone is attackin' each other, Romney stays positive, which will reflect well on the "maturity" of his campaign.  (1:07:34)

~~~
 So, essentially, everyone had a relatively good night, with maybe the exception of Ron Paul (who didn't seem like he wanted to be there). Bachmann had her best debate performance in recent memory. Santorum was still very aggressive, but at least he didn't look like he was goin' to choke someone out. Gingrich still shows he is one of the smarter people in the candidate pool. Perry didn't falter that badly (which is a win in his book) and he looked like he was actually awake. Romney once again gets through the debate without so much as a scratch on him. Huntsman probably had his best debate, since his strong suit is the economy and he showed it. Finally, it seems that Cain is a very real threat, but it appears that he was not prepared to be attacked on all sides.

That's all for this blog post. If ye think ye got some comments ye want to add, then do it, dammit!

The Green Sea

Well, me hearties, it seems that I may have made a slight miscalculation. I had figured that all of the campaigns would release their 3rd quarter results as soon as they could. It seems that only Rick Perry and Ron Paul has done so. So without further ado...

Rick Perry has raised $17 million!
Ron Paul has raised $8 million!

O' course, the expectation is that Romney will make much more than Perry and that Cain, Bachmann, Gingrich, Santorum, and Huntsman will make less than Paul (even with Cain's sudden resurgence).

So now that that's done, I guess I need to find some sort of distraction or scandal or something...oh wait...

How about Rick Perry's old huntin' camp? The camp with that name that offended Herman Cain and prompted Cain to call Perry "insensitive," hmm?

Apparently paintin' over the name "Niggerhead" right after getting the lease wasn't soon enough for the Perry family.

That wasn't a very good scandal at all, was it? Arg...
Ok...how about this for news?
Cain is tied for first in the latest CBS poll

O' course, first place bein' 17% of the vote, anything is possible. We might even see another sudden change after next week's debate!

Did ye also notice something else on that last link? No? Don't tell me no, just click the damn thing again and...arg...fine. Ye may have noticed that in a general election, Romney has Obama beat by 4 points. Not a huge margin by any means, but it's there.

Hold onto yer pants for the next post. There will be a debate on the 11th of Octobarrr! Which one o' our candidates will be capsizin' this time? I personally cannot wait. See you then!

Reign of Cain?

Avast, me hearties! It seems that Herman Cain, or as a lot of scallawags know him, the "pizza-guy," has made a substantial jump in the polls! Bachmann has been sinkin' steadily since she capsized in the last few debates, while Gingrich and Huntsman have made modest gains themselves.

But wait! There's more!

Herman Cain has jumped in the polls in Florida too!

O' course, as I remember it, SurveyUSA isn't exactly the most trustworthy poll out there, but regardless, it's there.

You didn't click the links, did ya? Arg...ok. Cain is up nationally from 7 to 17, while in Florida, Cain has jumped from 7 to 25!

How? Cain's strong performances in the debates seems to have paid off!

Now I know some of ya ain't happy until I mention something about the Perry-Romney battle. Everything you need to know is right here: Romney looks like he will soon re-take the lead. Perry's so-so debating skills is bein' seen as poor debatin' skills when compared to the eloquence of Mitt Romney. Try readin' that in a Captain's voice.

Anywho, next week will be fun, since all o' these bilge rats have to tell the world how much their campaign is makin'. Stay outta trouble, mateys, and be sure to stay away from the hempen halter!

Keelhaulin'

I hope ye were able to watch the Fox News-Google debate last night. If not, well, shame on ye. There were some great lines from almost all of the candidates. The primary focus, however, would be the Romney-Perry slugfest.

In case ye didn't watch the debate, it seems like these two scallawags were attacking each other and citing each other's books.

This wasn't the only conflict at this debate, however. Jon Huntsman and Rick Santorum got into it as well.

Michelle Bachmann didn't seem to exist during this debate and even Ron Paul didn't seem to shine as well as he does. Newt Gingrich kept things simple and kept his jokes going.

Herman Cain had an amazing debate and didn't seem to falter at any point. By reminding the audience that he had survived cancer, Cain was able to attack Obamacare with the argument that if Obamacare existed back when he had cancer, he would not be alive today.

Finally, we come to Gary Johnson, the newcomer. Well, he's not technically a newcomer, but he hasn't been seen in a debate in a long time. Anywho, he had one of the best lines of the debate. A great joke that, as ye'll see, resonated pretty well.

So, I gotta hand out some awarrrds.
Best Debater: Mitt Romney
Most Improved: Jon Huntsman
Most Vicious Attacker: Rick Perry/Rick Santorum (tie)
Biggest Loser: Michelle Bachmann


All videoed out yet? Well here is somethin' that means nothin'. I am of course referrin' to the current polls. The newer ones out include the New Hampshire Primary. The only thing of note is that Jon Huntsman has jumped up in those polls, peaking at 10%. I can't wait to see if the polls change in response to this debate. I'm gettin' all tingly just thinkin' about it.

That's all for today, ye curs!

Light Skirmish

So ye landlubbers really want me to continue with me blog? There has been plenty o' good things bein' said about it, and quite frankly, this blog deserves it. Ye might've noticed that I said I will be updatin' this blog every Wednesday at around 9PM. Well, this damn thing started yesterday, so don't get greedy with me! I was jus' nice enough to post one day earlier! Anywho, I knew ye might be cravin' more o' my commentary and guidance, so I am happy to report that I will be postin' about tomorrow's Fox News-Google debate as well. Not entirely certain what time that will be, but regardless, it'll be up Friday...possibly in the early mornin' hours.


Anywho, while ye all are whinin' and whatnot, here are some of the questions from the CNN/YouTube debate from back in '08. They are still relevant and will tide ye over until next time.

Arg!

Maiden Voyage

Ahoy! After you are done grittin' your teeth and askin' yourself if you are on the right site, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Captain Timothy H. Holmes and I'm about to take you on a journey. The purpose of this journey is simple: I intend on informin' the general voting public about what the main GOP candidates are saying. Each week, I will sail through the seas of spin and plunder the best and worst lines of each of the main GOP candidates.

This week, the focus is on the Tea Party Debate. This is but a taste of what I will be publishin' each week. For the sake of balance and fairness, I will list the candidates in alphabetical order. For the sake of clarity, I will not be includin' the cut-off apostrophe for words that end in -ing.

I want to point out that the best lines and worst lines are judged based on their effectiveness in terms of explanation of the issue (5 points), audience reaction (5 points), and logic of the issue (10 points).

From top left to bottom right: Mitt Romney, Jon Huntsman Jr., Rick Santorum, Herman Cain, Michelle Bachmann, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Rick Perry.

Michelle Bachmann

Best Line (5+4+7=16 points):  "What I'm saying is that it's wrong for a drug company, because the governor's former chief of staff was the chief lobbyist for this drug company. The drug company gave thousands of dollars in political donations to the governor, and this is just flat-out wrong. The question is, is it about life, or was it about millions of dollars and potentially billions for a drug company?"
   Reasoning: Bachmann caused massive damage to Governor Perry's reputation by associating him with a conflict of interest. The voters will view it as corruption. 


Worst Line (3+3+2=8 points):  "I was the leading voice in the wilderness of Washington all summer. I was one of the only people in Washington that said do not raise the debt ceiling."
   Reasoning: Bachmann was relatively strong this debate, however, by not raising the debt ceiling, America would have gone into default. The voters will probably not like the idea of sending America into default for a political point.

Herman Cain

Best Line (5+5+7=17 points):  "The Galveston County model worked, and it also worked in the small country of Chile. Instead of giving it to the states, let's give it back to the workers. That's what personal retirement accounts will do."
   Reasoning: Cain got 3 rounds of applause while detailing this plan. His final lines sum it all up.


Worst Line(2+2+6=10 points): "Secondly, pass market-driven, patient-centered reforms such as, under the current code, deductibility of health insurance premiums regardless of who pays for it. But as you know, I want to throw that out and put in my 999 plan."
Reasoning: Although his 999 plan sounds like a good pizza deal, it's actually his view of 9% flat tax on business, individuals, and the national sales tax. The problem here is that he never explained it.

Newt Gingrich

Best Line (5+4+7=16 points): "And anybody who knows anything about the federal government knows that there's such an enormous volume of waste, that if you simply had a serious all-all effort to modernize the federal government, you would have hundreds of billions of dollars of savings falling off. Let me say, I helped balance the budget for four straight years. This is not a theory."
   Reasoning: Waste is a big issue, and since Gingrich has experience balancing the budget, it's a strong suit for him.

Worst Line(1+3+3=7 points): (In response to the idea that removing green energy loopholes or exemptions would be a tax increase) "Yes, a lot of people argue that. They're -- they're technically right, which is why I'm -- look, I'm cheerfully opposed to raising taxes."
   Reasoning: He has previously attacked General Electric for not paying taxes due to these loopholes, and now he had just reneged.

Jon Huntsman Jr.

Best Line(5+3+9=17 points): "We were the best managed state (Utah) in America. We were the best place in America for business. I'm the only person on this stage, Wolf, who can actually lay claim to all of that. And you know why it's important? It's because it's exactly what this country needs at this point in his history."
   Reasoning: Huntsman did well in this debate, even though the reception by the Tea Party was cold. He made the connection that as an executive office holder, he created more jobs than anyone. The president is an executive office...so most people can fill in the blanks.

Worst Line(3+2+5=10 points): "Well, first of all, let me say for Rick to say that you can't secure the border I think is pretty much a treasonous comment."
   Reasoning: Huntsman, last in the polls, had to be bold. He was, but the sudden chilling silence from the audience told him that he may have gone too far. His recovery was the only bright point of that moment.

Ron Paul

Best Line(4+4+8= 16 points): "I'm a taxpayer there (Texas). My taxes have gone up. Our taxes have doubled since he's (Perry) been in office. Our spending has gone up double. Our debt has gone up nearly triple. So, no. And 170,000 of the jobs were government jobs. So I would put a little damper on this, but I don't want to offend the governor, because he might raise my taxes or something."
    Reasoning: Ron Paul was very vocal this debate. This line, I think, is simple and effective. He has successfully painted Perry as a tax-raiser during this debate, the impact, however, has yet to be seen.


Worst Line (5+0+6=11 points): (After booing by the audience when Ron Paul was describing what the terrorists were feeling) "I didn't say that. I'm trying to get you to understand what the motive was behind the bombing, at the same time we had been bombing and killing hundreds of thousands of Iraqis for 10 years."
   Reasoning: True, Ron Paul is overestimating the death toll. The problem here is that he comes off as lecturing. The audience reacted coldly to this statement.

Rick Perry

Best Line(5+2+8=15 points): (In response to the HPV vaccine being called a mandate) "No, sir it wasn't. It was very clear. It had an opt- out. And at the end of the day, this was about trying to stop a cancer and giving the parental option to opt out of that. And at the end of the day, you may criticize me about the way that I went about it, but at the end of the day, I am always going to err on the side of life."
   Reasoning: Sure, he's redundant, but he essentially blunted Bachmann's attack about the HPV vaccine being forced on girls. It is hard to tell if this statement sunk into the audience, though.

Worst Line(2+0+6=8 points): (In response to giving illegal immigrants in-state tuition) "In the state of Texas, if you've been in the state of Texas for three years, if you're working towards your college degree, and if you are working and pursuing citizenship in the state of Texas, you pay in-state tuition there."
   Reasoning: Interesting statement, but the normally friendly Tea Party audience booed Perry's explanation. He could have expanded more on how they were pursuing citizenship.

Mitt Romney

Best Line(5+3+10=18 points): "Well, look, I think Governor Perry would agree with me that if you're dealt four aces that doesn't make you necessarily a great poker player."
   Reasoning: Easily the best line of the whole debate. It is memorable, accurate, and an effective jab.
Worst Line(3+4+3=10 points): "What's happened over the last 20, 30 years is we've gone from a pay phone world to a smartphone world and President Obama keeps jamming quarters into the pay phone thinking things are going to get better. It's not connected, Mr. President."
   Reasoning: Romney is a very strong debater, as it took me a long time to find anything even remotely weak. This statement isn't super-clear. I mean, it's obvious that Obama is doing something wrong and putting money into it, but the comparison is a little unclear.

Rick Santorum

Best Line (4+4+6=14 points): "On your (Paul) Web site, yesterday, you said that it was our actions that brought about the actions of 9/11. Now, Congressman Paul, that is irresponsible. The president of the United States -- someone who is running for the president of the United States in the Republican Party should not be parroting what Osama bin Laden said on 9/11."
   Reasoning: Santorum struck a mean blow to Ron Paul. Comparing candidates to Osama bin Laden is about as vicious as you can get...and this attack will stick with some voters.


Worst Line (1+3+1=5 points): "We were attacked, as Newt talked about, because we have a civilization that is antithetical to the civilization of the jihadists. And they want to kill us because of who we are and what we stand for. And we stand for American exceptionalism, we stand for freedom and opportunity for everybody around the world, and I am not ashamed to do that."
   Reasoning: Right after his best line is his worst. Santorum, although being warmly received while stating this line, literally says that being free and giving others opportunity is why the jihadists want to kill us. A serious mistake that makes him look like a fool (and Ron Paul pounced on this as well).




Best Line of the Night: Mitt Romney

Worst Line of the Night: Rick Santorum

Fun starts at 1:10 in.



***All quotes are from the CNN transcript of the Tea Party Debate, although I can attest that these are accurate, as I did watch the debate.
~~~
There you have it, mateys, a list that I thought would be much quicker to throw together. 

I'll be mixin' things up here and there just so you scurvy curs don't get bored to death.


Oh, don't look at me like that. You can contribute too, you know! Post a comment about who you think won or lost on this list, as well as any other lines worth mentionin' (there were a lot of them!). Check back next week for your newest list.


It's late. Time to hit me grog.