How the Gingrinch stole Mittmas

Arg, ye knew I couldn't resist a good ol' fashioned pun!

As the polls have been suggestin', for a few weeks now, Romney may actually have a contender. Like myself, Romney thought Gingrich would have burned out by now. However, after seein' that Gingrich may actually be a threat, Romney's friendly SuperPAC is buyin' a massive chunk of airtime while Romney himself is goin' to tap into some Talent.

That's right, Jim Talent from Missouri! Both Talent and John Sununu, ex-governor o' New Hampshire, are firin' their volleys at Gingrich. Sununu o' course had me laughin' the hardest with this gem: “I believe Newt Gingrich is a Gingrichite. All he cares about is Newt Gingrich.”

O' course, Newt himself is not going to be an attack dog, instead keepin' a positive campaign.

So while Romney continues his assault on Gingrich, another candidate might just be able to steal Iowa.

Ron Paul.

If ye looked at the polls that I mentioned earlier (you clicked the links, right?), ye see that Paul and Romney are actually tied-ish for second. A poor showin' by Romney in Iowa could hinder his campaign enough for someone else to squeak through.

All because of the Gingrinch. If Romney can't find a way to fight him off, then he'll have a Blue Christmas indeed.

Holding Steady

If ye would have said to me two weeks ago that Gingrich would still be ahead in the polls in December, I would've laughed so hard that I'd have lungs o' steel.

Surprisingly, things have actually held steady these last couple of weeks. Seriously. Romney is holdin' relatively steady but Gingrich is still ahead in the polls, Cain is still mired in allegations, Perry is still woefully hilarious, and the others haven't really made any considerable gains, with the exception of Huntsman. But we'll get to that.

Gingrich actually thinks he'll get the nomination.

Let that sink in for a bit.

Yeah, Gingrich, you know, that guy who always looks down on people?

Anywho, apparently Gingrich is actually posing a threat, because Romney is releasin' his secret weapon!

I'm sorry, I meant Chris Christie.

Honest mistake.

That's right, the GOP's favored "Anti-Romney" is doin' Romney's dirty work. Christie does make a valid point in his criticisms of Gingrich, however. He makes the point that sure, Gingrich's numbers are high now, just as Cain's numbers were earlier, and Perry's before that, and Bachmann's before that. Ouch.

So let's talk about the others.

Cain has fallen. Hard. He has recently been "reassessing" his political campaign, so many GOPers are speculatin' he may drop out of the race. However, the decision isn't going to be up to Cain, it's going to be up to his wife.

Oh dear. I imagine that his wife will pull the plug and make him sleep on the couch for...oh I don't know...13 years?

Perry is hilarious. His most recent gaffe is his slip o' the tongue about the voting age (he thinks it's 21) and the election day ( he thinks it's Nov. 12). O' course people are bringin' up other gaffes...with video too! 

Finally, we come around to Huntsman. The latest New Hampshire poll has him polling about 11 percent. And he is hopin' that will grow higher as people jump ship from Cain's campaign. I've personally noticed the man gettin' more attention in the news and otherwise. Some news sites are thinkin' he may be tryin' to win the Internet vote. It will be interestin' to see if he can rise up before the primaries.

~~~

Well, that's it for me today. Be sure to keep an eye on the political world, ye scallawags. It can change with a slip o' the tongue or a flick o' the wrist.

Captain out.

Gingrinch

Note: It looks like I messed up again. It was supposed to post at 9PM, it did not. To make up for this, I threw in a couple o' links o' additional information that came in.

So remember wayyyy back where I said that Gingrich was shootin' up in the polls and is now the "flavor of the week?"

About that.

If there is one thing the voters hate more than the big banks responsible for the housin' bubble crash, it's the fact that Gringrich, a presidential candidate, made a cool $1.6-$1.8 million from Freddie Mac. Not that big of a problem? Gingrich first said he only made $300,000 as a "historian." Then the numbers kept going up and then it turned out he was givin' "strategic advice." Add in the fact the man has minimal charm and a nasty "holier than thou" personality and you can get expect a crash and burn. So with that being said, who is goin' to rise up in the polls next?

Bachmann's high water mark was the Ames Straw Poll. She has settled into insignificance since.
Perry and Cain both had boosts and then crashes.
Romney is avoidin' any spotlight, hoping to win on process of elimination.

Your choices are Paul, Santorum, and Huntsman.

Although Paul is enjoyin' a small uptick in support, what is odd is that the media isn't really reportin' on it. It looks like he may finally get a chance to shine soon though.

Santorum has been pollin' at an average of 4 points in Iowa, which is supposed to be his strongest chance. I really don't expect him to actually rise up, but then again, this IS the primary race.

Huntsman has been steady, although he is pollin' really low everywhere except New Hampshire. With the other candidates fallin', however, could we get a chance to see "Huntsmania" sometime soon?

Here is my expectation. Paul will rise up a little more when Gingrich falls. Huntsman will get some of that support. With Iowa just a month and a half away, Paul will need to keep strong that entire time without the tiniest gaffe. If he cannot hold, then I can seriously expect "Huntsmania" to catch on right before the primaries.

I mean, this thing is anyone's game.

Except for Buddy Roemer.

Blood in the Water

O' course I am addressin' the Texan elephant in the room first! Ok. Calm down. Sheesh.

For those o' ye that are fans o' Perry, ye might wanna be thinkin' about findin' a secondary candidate. The CNBC debate was about as interestin' as the others (since ye can remember how excitin' the last couple dozen were) so the media jumped on the first person that stepped outta line. For those o' ye who didn't watch the debate, this is what I'm talkin' about.

Every bit o' news I've seen on this is all doom and gloom for Perry. Here are, and I'm quotin' here, the actual phrases other news agencies are usin' to describe this.

He provides what may be the most painful, cringe-inducing slip-up in debate history

 'Oops'—Worst Self-Inflicted Wound in Debate History?

 

Ok, I understand that a President should know his facts, but after lookin' at everythin', I've come to the conclusion that it's not as bad as the media is makin' it out to be. Some people seem to forget that candidates are human and human and human (etc.). Fortunately, for ye Perry lovers, he says he isn't quittin' the race and has done a fair amount o' damage control.

 With the mass o' scandals, it seems to be anyone's game. The only people that are getting through this vettin' process relatively unscathed are Romney, Paul and Huntsman. Santorum is a walkin' gaffe, just so we are clear (if ye payed attention to him, which I'm sure you have, he has said that he'd "die" to ban gay marriage and wants a war with China). So which one of these candidates will be surgin' to the top of the polls?

 Gingrich.

No, that was not a typo. Both the polls and some stories are seein' the beginnin' of a Gingrich boom. 

So there is your new flavor of the month (or week? Hell, I don't know). Anywho, that's it for me. It's Thursday and if anyone even remotely knows who I am, they know what that means...

 Yo ho ho and a...well ye get the picture. 

Herman's Helpin' Hands, a Hellaciously Hilarious Hinderence.

*Note: Apparently I have failed in scheduling this. It was supposed to come out at 9PM Thursday. My apologies, mateys.

In case you've been livin' under a rock, or perhaps spendin' too much time in the sun, Herman Cain is endurin' a hurricane o' scandal. Cain has been accused of inappropriate behavior involvin' a couple of lasses durin' his tenure as the head of the National Restaurant Association. So what does Cain do besides not addressing the problem?

He blames Perry's campaign, o' course!

Ok, so not exactly Perry himself, but one of Perry's chief advisers, a Mr. Curt Anderson. Anderson worked for Cain durin' his failed run for Senate and Cain claims he told Anderson about the unfounded allegations then. After Anderson joined up with Perry, these allegations suddenly appear out o' nowhere! Magic!

So how badly does the Cain campaign suffer for these transgressions?

How about earnin' $1 million in donations after the story broke?

Cain claims he is innocent o' all charges and it looks like a lot o' his supporters believe him.
~~~
Now for some surprisin' news

You know about Jon Huntsman? Well, only about 52% of Republicans even recognize him. What is surprisin' is that he apparently has the best chance to defeat Obama in the general election, at least accordin' to this article in this small news outlet called the NEW YORK TIMES!

~~~
I can't wait to see if Cain's chances go up in smoke or if Huntsman can crawl out of obscurity.

And here are the Huntsman girls with their rendition of the smokin' man.

Tune in next week for more shenanigans (which are cheeky and fun)!

Captain's Orders

Ahoy. Ye may have noticed that this is just a little late. It's a busy time o' year for everyone, though, so I'm sure ye can find it in yer heart to forgive me.

So I am supposed to give ye swabbies somethin' fun to do. Here it is. The Dumbest Quotes from the GOP Candidates.

Yeah, it's a fun randomly generated quote machine thingy. Here is another story about dumb quotes.

In case you are wondering, it seems that Michele Bachmann has a monopoly on dumb quotes.

Heh, this is easy. I am just sendin' you to other locations to giggle and whatnot.

Anywho, I think it's high time I go on a tangent about the polls. The newest poll out there shows a few surprisin' trends. The samplin' error for subgroups (ranging from 5% -7%) is one of them. It seems that Cain has the lead (24%), Romney is holdin' steady (20%), Gingrich has been risin' (12%), Perry has been capsizin' (10%), and finally, Huntsman has been flatlinin' (0%). The most important issue to Republican primary voters is the economy, by a very large margin (76%).

It should be noted that 39% of respondents intend to vote in the Democratic Primary (compared to 36% for the Republicans). Even with this, it seems that 29% of voters would be "scared" if Obama won the election, not even Rick Perry (21%) scares that many people!

Ok, I'm sorry for givin' ye a lackluster performance for this week's postin', but things are insane right now. Damn near Halloween and people are bein' all social and whatnot tonight. I'm sure many o' them are headin' to Blackout Island. Keep on sailin', crew, and don't get lost in the sea of festivities.

The Green Sea Part II: Electric Boogaloo

So remembarr that one time I said I'd post about the other candidates' money pools? No? Good.

Everything you need to know is right here.

So what did ye think? What? Dammit, fine. I'll just post 'em right here then since ye all are too lazy to click the damn link...grrr...

Perry: $17.2 mil
Romney: $14.2 mil
Paul: $8.3 mil
Huntsman: $4.5 mil (wow)
Bachmann: $4.1 mil
Cain: $2.8 mil
Gingrich: $0.8 mil
Santorum: $0.7 mil

O' course, this is just what these scallawags raised, if you want to know how much they spent, then click the damn link. I am fully expectin' Perry to sink and Cain to rise.

Right, now that we got that outta the way, what is next?

Oh right, that debate thingy.
The big news, o' course, is that Romney gave Perry the "death touch." What is the "death touch?" Watch this video and roll it ahead to 8:50 for the fun and then at about 9:24ish you see this alpha male move.

 I thought for sure that Perry was gonna take a swing at Romney.

So let's give out some grades, jus' because I can.
 Michele Bachmann: B+
             -Yes, she did wear something that looked commanding and took advantage of Anderson Cooper's weak moderatin' skills. She was heard and she has come a long way since the first debates.
Herman Cain: C
             -9-9-9. O' course you were going to hear it. It seemed that Cain was out of steam for the night due to that report that stated lower and middle income Americans would pay more under his 999 plan.
 Newt Gingrich: B
         -Every time I compliment Newt on being rational and intelligent, he says somethin' that makes me think "wait a second..." That being said, he was more intelligent this particular debate on almost all subjects.
Jon Huntsman: C
         -Huntsman getting a C? Really? Well, he opposed Nevada moving it's caucus up and then took action (a stand) when it was crunch time. Maybe you noticed that the GOP field seemed a little crazier without him? He certainly didn't damage himself any.
Ron Paul: C+
        -Good: Paul was vigorous in his message and actually proposed something to solve the deficit crisis. Bad: People started laughin' when they heard all the departments he was wanting to cut. Awkward...
Rick Perry: B-
             -Perry has gotten a lot better at debatin'. Unfortunately, he has gotten no better at debatin' Romney. Every barb Perry threw was, excuse the semi-pun, "Parried," and then Perry had to endure the devastatin' counterattack. Perry's response to Anderson not wanting Perry to stay on the subject Cain was on: "I understand that. You get to ask the questions, I get to answer like I want to" didn't do him any favors...
Mitt Romney: A-
        -I am not like others who judge on how a candidate debates compared to how well they debated before. Romney is a good debater, that is obvious. He did hit some flak, but was able to counter almost every attack with one of his own, whether it was attackin' Cain's "Apples and Oranges" comparison of state and federal taxes or Santorum's Romneycare=Obamacare.
Rick Santorum: D+
           -I was hopin' that Santorum would have evolved from his angry nature. He failed miserably. Romney picked him apart and his anger really puts people off. Geez, you are in Vegas, Rick!

~
Well, I know ye all are laughin' at me. Lurkin'. Readin' but not makin' any comments. Laughin' at my lack of g's and all that. But post a comment, it helps the Captain to see a live crew out there! See ya next week, I gotta keep an eye on these weird flying mammals...perhaps you've seen them?